Woke up about 40 minutes ago with three distinct pains in three different areas of my body. None were around my abdomen which is where I expect my pain to radiate from. Thought I might be hungry so I grabbed a yogurt and started in, no relief. Tried a hot shower, stretching, breathing exercises and my pain meds, nothing seems to be helping. I would put it around the 4/5 on the pain scale, just enough to make me uncomfortable and unable to focus on anything else.
I decided, while showering, that I would wait 1 hour, till approx 4 am, before deciding if I needed to go the ER and have my kidneys checked out. I have a stone that is just waiting to get out and I am unsure if this is the start to her descent. Yes, it is a she. Her name is Claribelle. Claribelle had a younger brother, Charlie who came out in March 2012 and boy was I a proud mama when that was complete. Passing a kidney stone is pretty high on the list of things I don't ever want to do again. Also on that list Petocin-induced laboring for 3 days without food for my first child, and getting an infection in my Cesarean wound that caused me to bleed for 3 months straight.
Sitting in bed or laying in there are not an option. They are making the pain worse. I have migrated to the kitchen table to take my pain groans a little farther away from my parents room. I would hate to wake them.
I am so thankful that I got 6 hours of sleep before this hit. I am thankful that I had yogurt on hand to divert my focus and I am thankful for this outlet, where I can be brutally honest about what is going on.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
My stats
I am a Caucasian female, 30 years old. I am asthmatic and have IBS and sleep apnea.
The largest size I ever wore was a 24 3x and I was a size 18 2x when I went in for surgery.
I am 5'7" tall and my highest weight ever was 317 pounds with a BMI of 49.5.
I used Kaiser Permanente for surgery.
With Kaiser I was required to take a 12 week course in healthy eating habits and lose 10% of my weight to qualify for surgery.
After completing the course it took approximately 3 months to get in for surgery.
On the day of surgery, May 10th 2013, I weighed 279.
For the last few days I've steadily held a weight of 265.
Today is considered day 5 of recovery.
Grocery shopping with mom when all I want to do is pout like a petulant child all day.
So this morning, wow. Rough post. Rough set of emotions to be dealing with. It is later in the day now. I've gotten a few hours of sleep and I took my pain meds about 1 1/2 hours ago. I am in a completely different place. My mom saw me struggling and she walked me through my food issues. We took a look at stage 2 foods and had a thoughtful conversation about what is and isn't working for me right now. I've got such a long time on this stage I need to be comfortable. We ended up making a grocery list and spending about 1 hour at the store discussing the merits of foods and sizes, calories and carbs. I can't tell you how much of a blessing having her by my side has been. I would still be upset and in my pajamas had she not come along.
If you are in Stage 2, which is full liquids, and maybe you are stuck on what to eat here is my grocery list.
And I've got to tell you, I was excited to get home and have a 1/2 c of beef broth. It tasted like a hamburger to me. No joke.
I've been drinking the Pure Protein Vanilla shakes from Trader Joe's since before I got the surgery but afterward, there has been only so much of them that I can take because they can't be blended with goodies like fruit or peanut butter. So today we picked up some Pure Protein Frosty Chocolate shakes, which boast either 21g or 35g per 11oz can of protein, just to give me a variety. We also picked up a 4 pack of Atkins Day Break Wild Berry Shake, with 10g of protein. You may notice that Atkins also boasts a "frappe" type shake but I would avoid it since no where on the packaging does it say it is decaf and it does say it's made with real coffee. I loved the idea but it will have to wait till Stage 4.
Now, in this stage you may have strained cream soups. I guess I was under the misguided impression that there was two "Cream of " type soups. Tomato (which is a no for me) and Mushroom. I soon found out that there are many different types in addition to those two. Potato, Celery, Asparagus, and Chicken! What a difference that makes. I have yet to try any of them but boy am I looking forward to the potato and the chicken!! (I might go a little crazy and mix 1/4 cup of both of those together just to see if it tastes like a meal! ) giggle. I am giddy with anticipation.
Also, along those same lines, since there is no cream of beef soup I opted to grab a box of premade beef broth since broth is an option and I miss meat a something fierce. That was a fabulous decision if I may say so. I am so very satisfied with my little screaming hot 1/2 cup of it when I got home. It helped push down some of the salt cravings also.
Now yogurts are pushed at this stage but there are guidelines for it that are a bit rigid. The hardest thing for us was finding yogurts that were under 15g of carbs per serving. Yoplait didn't have any of the regular yogurts under 16g but they did have these Yoplait Pro-force 2x protein greek yogurt packs which look promising. They fell under the yogurt guidelines and didn't look heinous. The greek yogurt brand Chobani was a strike out, and the majority of the yogurts we found had carb counts around 20-30. We did luck out with Kroger brand Lite and Kroger brand Carbmaster. The trick will be seeing if there are fruit chunks in the yogurt. None of the yogurts really explained whether they were chunky or not and that matters.Will keep you posted on that as well.
One of the other options for me was sugar free pudding, which sounds super except that it has to be made from Lactaid, Soy, or Almond milk which rules out the pre-made pudding cups that are generally used for lunches. We picked up a Kroger sugar free pudding and pie filling in chocolate and whipped it with the needed amount of Almond milk. Then we portioned those out into little half cup servings. I have yet to try them but you will be first to hear how it went.
Last thing we did was grab just regular oats and non-fat milk and splenda. Tomorrow morning I am going to attempt to make oats then push them through the strainer and drink the, for lack of a better title, sweetened oat milk. Sounds kinda gross but I like oats and they should be filling and give me a different taste to think about.
One other thing we grabbed was Crystal Light drink add ins. It's funny but when I was preparing for all of this the idea of getting drink add ins didn't even cross my mind, even though I lived off them not to long ago and drinking straight water was never my forte. Just remember to buy what makes you happy but don't buy the tea unless it says decaf.
So, Kroger is just a Ralphs brand, in case you were curious. Everything here can be easily found and might help in some way.
What a difference a few hours makes right?
If you are in Stage 2, which is full liquids, and maybe you are stuck on what to eat here is my grocery list.
And I've got to tell you, I was excited to get home and have a 1/2 c of beef broth. It tasted like a hamburger to me. No joke.
I've been drinking the Pure Protein Vanilla shakes from Trader Joe's since before I got the surgery but afterward, there has been only so much of them that I can take because they can't be blended with goodies like fruit or peanut butter. So today we picked up some Pure Protein Frosty Chocolate shakes, which boast either 21g or 35g per 11oz can of protein, just to give me a variety. We also picked up a 4 pack of Atkins Day Break Wild Berry Shake, with 10g of protein. You may notice that Atkins also boasts a "frappe" type shake but I would avoid it since no where on the packaging does it say it is decaf and it does say it's made with real coffee. I loved the idea but it will have to wait till Stage 4.
Now, in this stage you may have strained cream soups. I guess I was under the misguided impression that there was two "Cream of " type soups. Tomato (which is a no for me) and Mushroom. I soon found out that there are many different types in addition to those two. Potato, Celery, Asparagus, and Chicken! What a difference that makes. I have yet to try any of them but boy am I looking forward to the potato and the chicken!! (I might go a little crazy and mix 1/4 cup of both of those together just to see if it tastes like a meal! ) giggle. I am giddy with anticipation.
Also, along those same lines, since there is no cream of beef soup I opted to grab a box of premade beef broth since broth is an option and I miss meat a something fierce. That was a fabulous decision if I may say so. I am so very satisfied with my little screaming hot 1/2 cup of it when I got home. It helped push down some of the salt cravings also.
Now yogurts are pushed at this stage but there are guidelines for it that are a bit rigid. The hardest thing for us was finding yogurts that were under 15g of carbs per serving. Yoplait didn't have any of the regular yogurts under 16g but they did have these Yoplait Pro-force 2x protein greek yogurt packs which look promising. They fell under the yogurt guidelines and didn't look heinous. The greek yogurt brand Chobani was a strike out, and the majority of the yogurts we found had carb counts around 20-30. We did luck out with Kroger brand Lite and Kroger brand Carbmaster. The trick will be seeing if there are fruit chunks in the yogurt. None of the yogurts really explained whether they were chunky or not and that matters.Will keep you posted on that as well.
One of the other options for me was sugar free pudding, which sounds super except that it has to be made from Lactaid, Soy, or Almond milk which rules out the pre-made pudding cups that are generally used for lunches. We picked up a Kroger sugar free pudding and pie filling in chocolate and whipped it with the needed amount of Almond milk. Then we portioned those out into little half cup servings. I have yet to try them but you will be first to hear how it went.
Last thing we did was grab just regular oats and non-fat milk and splenda. Tomorrow morning I am going to attempt to make oats then push them through the strainer and drink the, for lack of a better title, sweetened oat milk. Sounds kinda gross but I like oats and they should be filling and give me a different taste to think about.
One other thing we grabbed was Crystal Light drink add ins. It's funny but when I was preparing for all of this the idea of getting drink add ins didn't even cross my mind, even though I lived off them not to long ago and drinking straight water was never my forte. Just remember to buy what makes you happy but don't buy the tea unless it says decaf.
So, Kroger is just a Ralphs brand, in case you were curious. Everything here can be easily found and might help in some way.
What a difference a few hours makes right?
HOPE IS A 4 LETTER WORD
A word currently, or conveniently, missing from my vocabulary.
Here's the deal. My surgery was 5 days ago and I am battling terrible cravings and massive bouts of crankiness in an otherwise happy mind, unseemly pain and I will admit it, depression. Depression over not getting to eat. You guys, I am so sad about it. I thought the sleeve would erase the craving enzyme but it doesn't seem to have done anything and I am constantly thinking about or dreaming about food, it's making me a tad mental.
I am angry. Like really, very angry. I want to take back the surgery. I want to go back to my old way of life. This isn't going to work for me!
Then, like a pendulum I swing the other way. I can do this, I can handle all the loss.
Why? Why am I going crazy over this? And why can't I reign my emotions into line? I am losing control of myself.
I've been home for the last 5 days, recuperating. That would be fine if A. I was able to be still and accept my house-bound-ness and B. if my sewer hadn't been disrupted and I was forced to move into my mom's yesterday where I am sleeping in a different bed and can smell every single delicious thing they are cooking. So far I over-did it after only being home 3 days. Day 4 I was focused on being content at home when the sewer situation happened and now day 5 is dawning, but I've been up since 2 am doing nothing and hating the dark and hating the light and hating this.
I've needed an outlet for the last few days. Something to put my thoughts into order. Something I desperately hope will be therapeutic for me because I NEED therapeutic right now. I want others to know that this is no cakewalk. No matter what everyone tells you, prepare yourself for something worse. It can't hurt right? If it's not too bad of a journey for you then you've lucked out and I am so happy for you, but if it feels like a small slice of hell then you can say you were prepared right?
Here's the deal. My surgery was 5 days ago and I am battling terrible cravings and massive bouts of crankiness in an otherwise happy mind, unseemly pain and I will admit it, depression. Depression over not getting to eat. You guys, I am so sad about it. I thought the sleeve would erase the craving enzyme but it doesn't seem to have done anything and I am constantly thinking about or dreaming about food, it's making me a tad mental.
I am angry. Like really, very angry. I want to take back the surgery. I want to go back to my old way of life. This isn't going to work for me!
Then, like a pendulum I swing the other way. I can do this, I can handle all the loss.
Why? Why am I going crazy over this? And why can't I reign my emotions into line? I am losing control of myself.
I've been home for the last 5 days, recuperating. That would be fine if A. I was able to be still and accept my house-bound-ness and B. if my sewer hadn't been disrupted and I was forced to move into my mom's yesterday where I am sleeping in a different bed and can smell every single delicious thing they are cooking. So far I over-did it after only being home 3 days. Day 4 I was focused on being content at home when the sewer situation happened and now day 5 is dawning, but I've been up since 2 am doing nothing and hating the dark and hating the light and hating this.
I've needed an outlet for the last few days. Something to put my thoughts into order. Something I desperately hope will be therapeutic for me because I NEED therapeutic right now. I want others to know that this is no cakewalk. No matter what everyone tells you, prepare yourself for something worse. It can't hurt right? If it's not too bad of a journey for you then you've lucked out and I am so happy for you, but if it feels like a small slice of hell then you can say you were prepared right?
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